Drop Tart Tone
People are more sensitive to tone. To paraphrase the poet Maya Angelou, people will forget what you said, but they’ll remember how you made them feel.
See Your Part
Acknowledging one’s own part in a difficult situation is one of the hardest – and I think most honorable – things a person can do.
Speak Truly
Perhaps the most powerful tool for your mental health – and certainly for the health of your relationships – is to speak truly.
Don’t Quarrel
It’s one thing to stick up for yourself & others. It’s a different matter to get caught up in wrangles, contentiousness – in a word: quarrels.
Tune Into Others
Imagine being aware of the surface behavior of the people around you but oblivious to their inner life while they remain unmoved by your own.
Speak From The Heart
Speaking from an open heart can seem so vulnerable yet be the strongest move of all. Naming the truth has great moral force.
Relax, You’re Going to be Criticized
Criticism is unavoidable. Sometimes we take being criticized with good grace, other times it stings, and sometimes both are true. Here are some tips for accepting criticism, learning what you can from it, and moving on.
Love Someone
What can you do when there’s nothing you can do? Love Someone. Sometimes something happens. Perhaps your cat takes a turn for the worse, there’s a money problem, or it’s on a larger scale: maybe there’s been an election and you’re grappling with its
Kindness to You is Kindness to Me; Kindness to Me is Kindness to You
True kindness is a two-way street: caring for others eases your mind; caring for yourself strengthens your heart. From this balance, joy and connection grow.
Admit Fault And Move On
Get beyond the hassle and bad feelings by admitting fault. Remind yourself how it’s in your own best interest to admit fault and move on. It takes a strong person to admit fault, and it puts us in a stronger position with others.
Don’t Be Intimidated
Humans are vulnerable to being alarmed, manipulated, and even intimidated by threats, both real ones and “paper tigers.” Understanding how your brain became so vigilant and wary, and so easily hijacked by alarm, is the first step toward gaining more control over that ancient circuitry and is less rattled or distracted by exaggerated, manageable, or false alarms.
Ask Questions
Ask questions – it’s one of the best ways to listen well. It shows you’re paying attention, it gets things out in the open and it slows emotional conversations.
Forgive
Forgiveness frees you from the tangles of anger and retribution. Appreciate the value of forgiveness. Ask yourself: what does my grievance, my resentment, cost me? Cost others I care about? What would it be like to lay those burdens down?
Don’t Rain On The Parade
Are you too quick with doubt, limitations, cost analyses, reasons why not? If you pour cold water over your hopes and dreams, you’ll never know the warmth and light that might spread if you’d let them catch fire.
Give Them What They Want
It’s easy to give someone what they want. It is a matter of what you want to give. It can be stressful when others want things from you. There’s a sweet spot from which you can respond with both compassion and ease.