Humans are vulnerable to being alarmed, manipulated, and even intimidated by threats, both real ones and “paper tigers.” Understanding how your brain became so vigilant and wary, and so easily hijacked by alarm, is the first step toward gaining more control over that ancient circuitry and is less rattled or distracted by exaggerated, manageable, or false alarms.
Ask questions – it’s one of the best ways to listen well. It shows you’re paying attention, it gets things out in the open and it slows emotional conversations.
Forgiveness frees you from the tangles of anger and retribution. Appreciate the value of forgiveness. Ask yourself: what does my grievance, my resentment, cost me? Cost others I care about? What would it be like to lay those burdens down?
Are you too quick with doubt, limitations, cost analyses, reasons why not? If you pour cold water over your hopes and dreams, you’ll never know the warmth and light that might spread if you’d let them catch fire.
It’s easy to give someone what they want. It is a matter of what you want to give. It can be stressful when others want things from you. There’s a sweet spot from which you can respond with both compassion and ease.
Enjoy the good feelings and other rewards of dropping your case. Set down the case, like plopping down a heavy suitcase. Enjoy the feelings, the spaciousness of mind, openness of heart, inner freedom, and other rewards of dropping your case.
There are three elements of tone: 1) Explicit content 2) Emotional subtext 3) Implicit statement about the nature of the relationship.
Blasting another person with anger is like throwing hot coals with bare hands: both people get burned. Speak calmly and from your heart, even when wronged.
Friendliness is a down-to-earth approach that is welcoming and positive. Being friendly feels confident and happy, with a positive take on other people, moving toward the world instead of backing away from it.
