We’ve spent a lot of time on the Being Well podcast exploring how we can improve our skills in romantic relationships, but for many people, one of the most difficult parts of a relationship is getting into one in the first place, along with addressing the fear of how to not die alone.
On this episode, Forrest talks with Logan Ury about the mechanics of dating. They explore chemistry, romance, apps, and how to reframe our self-limiting tendencies so we can find love that is fulfilling and brings out the best in us.
About our Guest: Logan Ury is a behavioral scientist turned dating coach, and the author of How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love. She is the Director of Relationship Science at the dating app Hinge, and former head of Google’s behavioral science team the Irrational Lab.
Key Topics:
- 0:00: Introduction
- 1:40: Why is modern dating so hard?
- 4:15: Romanticism
- 6:20: Being in relationship for self-actualization
- 8:25: Romanticizers, Maximizers, and Hesitators
- 11:15: Reframes for the Romanticizer
- 14:20: What kind of shared qualities actually matter?
- 19:25: Reframes for the Maximizer
- 26:35: The tendency to externalize problems and avoid vulnerability
- 32:25: Reframes for the Hesitator
- 36:50: Information vs. emotion – appreciation for romance
- 41:05: Bids and turning towards
- 43:05: What other things do people tend to underestimate in relationships?
- 47:20: The aspect of you that is brought out by your partner
- 48:45: How to use apps in more effective ways
- 51:00: Recap
