Most of us know, at least in principle, that it’s good to have healthy boundaries. The hard part is actually setting them — and then holding onto them when other people push back, get upset, or simply keep doing what they’ve always done.
In this talk, I explored some of what makes boundaries so difficult, including feeling overly responsible for other people, doubting our own perceptions, and getting pulled into trying to change things that really aren’t in our control.
Check it out for some wonderful stories that all point to a basic kind of freedom: knowing what’s yours to deal with, what belongs to someone else, and when it’s time to stop trying to grow roses in a parking lot.
Click here to join the free Wednesday Meditations – which are open to everyone!
Talk: Why It’s So Hard to Set – and Keep – Healthy Boundaries
Time codes & main topics:
- 35:06 – A Buddhist approach to setting healthy boundaries
- 36:09 – How privilege affects our ability to set and hold boundaries
- 44:48 – The Five Reflections: other people inherit the results of their own actions
- 48:09 – Over-responsibility and believing we can control how other people feel
- 51:46 – “I see you, Mara”: trusting your own perception of what’s really happening
- 58:46 – Refusing to receive someone else’s hostility, judgment, or agenda
- 1:05:02 – The Buddha Gorilla: compassion without taking responsibility for another person’s choices
- 1:13:26 – Stop trying to grow roses in a parking lot: turning toward more fertile ground
A Meditation: Resting in the Courage and Goodness Inside You
In this meditation, we’ll settle into the body, find a steadier ground beneath fear and anxiety, and get a felt sense of the courage, open-heartedness, and basic goodness that are already here inside you.
