On this episode of Being Well, Forrest and I are joined by author and therapist Terry Real to talk about how to successfully metabolize our trauma and experience real intimacy in our relationships. We discuss how to balance acceptance and agency, develop a healthy sense of trust and self-esteem, communicate what we want effectively, and experience our power through collaboration rather than dominance.
Terry describes how the delusions of toxic individualism and patriarchy that plague our culture are an attempt to control and be above nature, and how getting what we really want from our lives and relationships requires a shift toward relating compassionately to others’ experience–moving away from ‘me vs. you’ and into Us.
About our Guest: Terrence Real is an internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and bestselling author. He is also founder of the Relational Life Institute, which offers workshops for couples as well as professional training for clinicians in his Relational Life Therapy (RLT) methodology. His latest book is Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship which comes out this month.
Key Topics:
- 0:00: Introduction
- 1:45: Terry’s personal transformation
- 4:55: Regulating up to our parents
- 7:05: The Adaptive Child vs. the Wise Adult
- 14:25: Us vs. the delusions of individualism and patriarchy
- 18:05: Balancing acceptance and agency
- 22:45: Enlightened self-interest and working with couples
- 29:25: Three phases to get more of what you want in relationships without a counselor
- 33:35: How to support people–particularly women–in dealing with unfairness
- 37:15: Gendered tendencies–moving into intimacy and out of patriarchy
- 43:20: Shame and healthy self-esteem
- 49:40: Relational reckoning and relational integrity
- 56:55: Repairing trust and grandiosity
- 1:01:00: Recap
