Here is a fundamental truth: while pain is an inevitable part of life, much of our suffering is not.
There’s a critical distinction between the unavoidable pains of life—the “first dart”—and the unnecessary suffering we add on top of it—the “second dart.” This second dart is where most of our suffering comes from, and it’s largely driven by “craving”—that persistent sense that something is missing, wrong, or threatening.
The problem is that our brains are wired to react to perceived threats and unmet needs, but in today’s world, we are often flooded with signals that keep us in a state of low-grade stress. This constant pressure builds up “allostatic load”—the wear and tear on our bodies and minds from living too long in the “red zone” or even the “pink zone” of chronic stress. This buildup weighs on us, making us more sensitive to stress down the road, and leaving us feeling more frustrated, resentful, and stuck.
So this week, I’m offering three practical strategies to break this cycle and prevent life’s wear and tear- which you can find an outline of listed below the video of the talk.
Click here to join the free Wednesday Meditations – which are open to everyone!
Meditation: Calm Strength Lived by Love
Talk: How to Prevent Life’s Wear and Tear – and Release the Past
Three practical strategies to break this cycle and prevent life’s wear and tear:
- Resting in Calm Strength: When you recognize that you are basically all right in the present moment, you can release unnecessary anxiety. This isn’t about denying real threats or challenges but rather about not letting anxiety run the show when you are, in fact, safe. When we feel safe enough, our craving for safety diminishes, and we can approach life with greater clarity and resilience.
- Opening Wide: Suffering often involves a narrow focus on what’s wrong or what we want but don’t have. By widening our perspective—whether that’s noticing the whole room, feeling the earth beneath us, or seeing the bigger picture—we naturally dial down craving and reduce the sense of contraction and pressure. This shift helps quiet the mind, reduce reactivity, and bring a sense of spaciousness to our experience.
- Giving Over to Love: When we allow ourselves to feel and express love—whether that’s kindness toward ourselves, compassion for others, or simply recognizing our own good heart—we tap into a powerful antidote to suffering. Love, in this sense, is not just an emotion but a way of being that soothes the nervous system, reduces stress, and fulfills a deep need for connection and well-being.
