pixel
Change the Channel
September 15, 2020

What can you do when nothing is working?

The Practice: Change the channel.

Why?

In response to a previous JOT – Find Stillness – a wise therapist, Betsy Sansby, reminded me that sometimes a person just can’t find any stillness anywhere. Maybe you have epilepsy or chronic pain or are wildly worried about a child or other loved one, or have been rejected in love or had the bottom fall out financially. In other words, as Betsy put it like there’s a nest of bees in your chest.

She’s right.

Sometimes the inner practices fail you – or at least aren’t matched to the pickle you’re in. You’ve let be, let go, and let in. You sat to meditate, and it was like sitting on the stove. You tried to be here now and find the lessons – and wanted to whack the person who told you to do this. You still feel awful, overwhelmed, angry, afraid, inadequate, or depressed. Now what?

Sometimes it helps to change the channel, to take some kind of action. Watch TV, eat an apple, ask for a hug, get out of the house, do something (not harmful) to shake things up, distract yourself, tune out, burn off steam, etc.

At some point, you still have to engage the mind directly and do what you can with your situation. But there is certainly a place for respite or pleasure in its own right, plus this helps to refuel you for challenges.

Plus, changing channels has the built-in benefit of taking the initiative on your own behalf. This helps counter the natural but harmful sense of helplessness that comes from tough times, and it supports the feeling that you and your needs truly matter.

Get Tips Like This Delivered Right to Your Inbox

You can unsubscribe at any time and your email address will never be shared or sold.

Name
This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

How?

For starters, give yourself permission to change the channel. Sometimes people get stuck in a situation, relationship, or feeling and think it’s more noble, awake, open, mindful, accepting, or therapeutic to stay with it, even if it hurts like crazy and isn’t getting any better. Sure, let’s not err on the side of suppressing feelings or running from the first hint of discomfort. But let’s also not err on the side of running laps around a track in hell.

Then do something. It doesn’t need to be ambitious. Usually the simpler, the better.

Try physical pleasure – which helps calm down the stress machinery of your brain. Run water over your hands. Roll your head around your neck. Smell an orange. Look at a flower.

Treat your body well. Eat some protein. Take a nap. Go for a walk. Do vigorous exercise if you can. Remember your vitamins.

Broaden your perspective. Look out the window. Consider your situation from a bird’s-eye view, a more impersonal angle. Consider how someone (real or imagined) who deeply loves you would look at it. Think about it amidst 7 billion other humans or in the sweep of history. (Of course, not to diminish, dismiss, or shame your own pain.)

Entertain yourself. See a movie, listen to music, go watch a show. Look at Red Bull stunts, concert videos, amazing pong shots, or rock climbing on YouTube (alright, some of my faves) do whatever you like.

Set something in order; exercise control somewhere. When I feel depressed, I make my bed. Keep it simple: fold one pair of dish towels, separate the big forks from the little ones, straighten one shelf of books.

Connect with others (as long as you don’t feel overwhelmed by it). Call a friend. Pet your pet. Sit in a coffee shop full of strangers and enjoy the bustle.

Go somewhere that feeds your heart. Maybe sit under a tree or by a stream, lake, or sea. Perhaps a church or temple. Or a park with children playing, a museum, or a garden.

Every life is hard sometimes, and some lives are terribly hard all of the time. Do what you need to do. It’s OK to change the channel.

Know Someone Who Could Change the Channel?

Use the buttons below to share this article via social media or email.

Get Rick’s Free Weekly Newsletter

Get a weekly practice and the latest Being Well Podcast delivered right to your inbox.

Name
This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

The Courage to Connect 5-Week Online Course

A 5-Week Course in Connecting with Others - Half-Off

Starting October 5, learn how to find strength in being open and vulnerable with others.

8-Week Meditation Retreat - Half-Off

Starting October 5, explore and develop seven ways of being that are both the highest forms of human development and at the core of who you already are.

Heal Democracy - Vote 2024

When you vote, you are speaking up, which makes you stronger and healthier in mind and body. Visit HealDemocracy.org to get resources for understanding your choices and making your voice heard.

Recent Posts

Have Compassion

Have Compassion

To have compassion is to have the wish that beings not suffer combined with feelings of sympathetic concern.