We all have different needs for closeness and distance, for intimacy and independence. You might have heard terms like anxious and avoidant attachment to describe this, and these tendencies can create challenges – particularly when people with different needs try to relate to each other. In this episode of the Being Well Podcast, Dr. Rick and Forrest explore why we’re drawn to people who activate our insecurities, how anxiety manifests differently in “pursuers” versus “distancers,” and what we can all do to work with our natural tendencies more skillfully. They discuss common relationship patterns, why pursuers usually receive more blame than distancers, schizoid personalities, and practical ways to break free from entrenched patterns.

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Key Topics:

• 0:00: Introduction
• 2:00: Key characteristics of pursuers and distancers (anxious and avoidant)
• 9:25: Demands and reassurance
• 13:35: Assigning blame, and gender stereotypes
• 20:40: Why opposites attract, the power of small wins, and changing ourselves
• 31:15: The distancer
• 40:45: Finding motivation to identify common ground with our partner
• 54:30: The pursuer
• 1:00:00: Self-consciousness and ego
• 1:02:10: Brave questions to ask in your relationship
• 1:07:00: Recap

Forrest is now writing on Substack, check out his work there.